All jokes
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
Technoblade should have drank milk. Would have gotten rid of all his status effects!
Your mum is so fat she eats all day!
Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?
Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
I just roast all of your chins because I don't know which is uglier.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
Why does Michael Joseph Jackson love Boise?
Because of all the boys he'll see.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
What's black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
Why can't Asians play baseball?
Because they ate all the bats!
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Why can’t you play Uno with Mexicans?
Because they’ll steal all the green cards.
Why can’t you play Uno with Mexicans?
Because they steal all the green cards!
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.