What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
What is the difference between Black people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
What is the darkest month?
Black History Month.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Crap, I burnt one!"
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Why do people hit their electronics when they don’t work?
You keep the tradition of hitting black things.