Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
How do you know that Americans hate exercise? 9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?!
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character?
Harry Potter.
Why does the military recruit orphans?
Because homing missiles don’t target them.
How do you make an orphan’s hand bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
What movie do orphans relate to the most?
Spider-Man: No Way Home
What’s the difference between orphans and blind children?
None. Neither can see their parents.
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title? Finding emo.
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
What did the blind kid say after touching the emo kid’s hand?
“I ain’t reading all that.”
What’s an Emo’s favorite exercise?
The dead hang.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What’s it called when you give emo some rope as a present? Murder.
Why is suicide illegal? Because it destroys government property.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it’s intersected by a plane.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.