Shower thoughts

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder

I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?

An avalanche.

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?

Black matter leaves an impact.

I think God is cool with abortion.

After all, he did kill his only son.

Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?

It's the only way they’ll get love.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.

Same person.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?

Sells the wheelchair.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.