My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?
One is a tool. The other is your mom.
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."
My brother said, "You want a cookie?"
I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well." My brother said, "You want a sugar cookie?"
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
I recently learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.
Apparently the term "school photos" is more acceptable.
Why is the Z the only politically correct letter?
Because all the other letters are not Z's.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."
You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.
I guess it was a bad delivery.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?
So we can think about a solution in silence.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I think we should change Alzheimer’s disease to Joe Biden disease.