what do you call a ice skating dwarf?
a midget spinner
Shower thoughts
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Boobs are like friends you have big ones small ones real ones fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.
I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"