The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
Shower thoughts
What's black and eats Kitty?
Serval cancer.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zipper from a mile away
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!