Who lives under the sea?
Malaysia flight 370.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
When you were supposed to help the depressed kid, but not "help" the depressed kid.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your sisters pussy taste funny
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your sister pussy taste funny
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because "WON TON" spelled backward is "NOT NOW"!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.