Hello, anybody, I’ve just shot somebody, I did it on purpose

what did batman say to robin before they got in the car? “Robin get in the car”

Teacher:what does the pig give us Student: bacon Teacher: very good how about the chicken? Student: meat Teacher: good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: homework

Comments and join dumbledore’s army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck

Why is a gun like a box of chocolates? If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

Interviewer: what are your strengths? Interviewee: I fall in love easily. Interviewer: and your weaknesses? Interviewee: those beautiful green eyes of yours…

Give a like if I have no friends.

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.

wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere

“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”

When a women removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye. But when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, everyone loses it…

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq…They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.

Your forehead goes back to when burger king was burger prince

Teacher: what’s 3 minus 1? Me: i don’t know Teacher: how about this, you have three cakes, I take one how many cakes do you have? Me: three Teacher: If I take one cake from your three what do you have? Me: three cakes and a dead teacher. 👑

What’s Madeline mccann and a submarine got in common? Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

What’s black and white, black and white, black and white? Michael Jackson

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks “where’d you get that lovely thing?” “Africa” the parrot replied.