Shower thoughts

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Boobs are like friends you have big ones small ones real ones fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”