Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
Shower thoughts
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and hitler
Usain finished the races
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common the balls are just for decoration
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
What show does an orphan hate?
Family Guy.
When ur fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now u gotta fight the suicide squd
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."