I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
What’s a German’s favorite drink? Orange Jews. Hundred percent concentrated.
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.