"Where do young trees go to learn?" "Elementree school."
GG Miller
"Why is Peter Pan always flying?" "He neverlands."
"Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas."
What do my dad and nemo have in common? They both can’t be found
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone, and the speedbump starts screaming?
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
. What’s better than winning the Paralympics wheelchair race?
Walking.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
F*ck off! You won’t bring it back.
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”