Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
“Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.”
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
I got barred from weight watchers today it wasn't my fault it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room all i did was say that it was the funniest game of hungry hungry hippo's that I have ever seen
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.