What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the clown stop smiling?
Someone chopped his lips off.
A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
At night I became a mattress murderer.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
Kevin Woody (look him up)
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What's better than a meme? A really good Vine.
What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same!
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
Why did Annie fall from the swing?
Because she had no hands.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Annie.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
What's 2 + 2? A: 22.
Dead people can’t cross the street because they're dead, ha ha!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.