Worst Jokes Ever
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
Me: (Tim) What's wrong?
Him: Wha...
Me: Are you inTIMidated?
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
Why can't you hear a dinosaur clap? They're dead.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish! 😂
No no no no no no!
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Dean's sex life.
There were three boys on the top of a slide.
The first one went down yelling "gold!" and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted "pillows!" and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted "weeeeeeeee!"
Why can’t you high five a Japanese person?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
What’s one good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in a school zone.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.
When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.