Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?
You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What do you call a goat?
A goat.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
Why did the otter cross the road?
To get to the otter side.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
Why will we never get hungry in the desert?
We have lots of sand-which's.
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
Your mam is gay.