Worst Jokes Ever
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
I was baking a cake when I saw some egg shell in the mix. I said, "You've got to be yolking me!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
What happens when you cross a cow and a redneck?
The redneck fucks the cow.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
(Bob holds Deric's neck)
Deric: "Water, what are you doing?"
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Stephen Hawking must have got a MacBook Pro. End of battery.
See, I was always told puns are funny.
But I can see now they aren't punny.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
What did the meditating egg say?
A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!
McDonald's :)