Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your brother is gay, and so are you.
Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!
I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Why is Donald Trump president?
So he can deport Mexicans to Mexico.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?
Snowballs.
I will always remember my dad's last words...
Oh wait, I've never heard them.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Nobody, because chickens don't talk."
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."