How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is worse than 16 babies in 16 dumpsters? One baby in 16 dumpsters.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.
My friend tried to sleep on napkins.
I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.
Maybe I’ll be Tracer.
I’m already Tracer!
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
A quad rasher ran him over.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
I figured I would steel it and put it on this site. I mean, it was either that, or lose it forever.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Alia’s YouTube channel.
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite drink?
His dribble.
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?
Afterbirth.
