Worst Jokes Ever
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
I brought a new pen that can write underwater. It can also write other words.
What did the cowboy say to the girl on the beach?
"Sandy cheeks."
How do you catch a polar bear?
Cut a hole in the ice, put peas around it, when the polar bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
Toilet paper cried across the road.
Which bees produce milk?
Boobies.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"
Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
Me nan.
The clock struck one!
Then down did come!
Hickory dickory doc
What am I?
Random- a mouse?
Me- no dumb shit!
Random- what is it?
Me- the guillotine!
Funny.
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"