Worst Jokes Ever

What did the cow jump over?

The Moon.

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Which Pokemon listens to Aha?

Takemeon.

What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?

Hop in!

I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?

Because I am a bully!

Did you hear about Fridgetair

Kelvinator?

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.

And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.

And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.

What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.

Before: Caring & Noble.

After: Chernobyl.

What did the beaver say to his son?

Dam, son.

How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?

Come post!

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.