Worst Jokes Ever
No, "quarter quarter."
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
So I saw the police. I yelled, "Dumper, get into the fucking yumper!"
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!
What did the bus say to the mail?
Dog.
What did one arm say to the other? "What is your address?"
What is an astronaut's favorite color? Zoo.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.
It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
What's 12 inches long and begins with a p?
A shit.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.