Worst Jokes Ever
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
I like this joke.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
I don't want to die.
People generalize others too much.
One day, there was an ugly barnacle. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end!
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
Yan nan ate my salty penis.
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
Cancer?
Cancer
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Sub to KYMBO or you are gay.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.