Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam!
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
I made a website to support orphans.
It just needs a home page.
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
Gaming with the gaming controller.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To make them feel wanted.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
Mom! (DYM 3)
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is. 😢
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.
2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.
Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.
What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.
To those who are dead now, was it fun?
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.