Worst Jokes Ever
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "How?"
"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white?
Alive.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why is suicide illegal?
Because it destroys government property.
What do you call a gay French man?
A faguette!
A kid asks his mom what dark humor is.
She says, “You see that man with no arms, tell him to clap.”
“But mom, I’m blind!” says the kid.
“Exactly,” replied the mom.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.