Worst Jokes Ever
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.