Worst Jokes Ever

Genders are like the twin towers. There used to be two of them, and now it’s a sensitive subject.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

What's Thanos' favorite game?

Half-life.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to his job at KFC!

Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.

A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."

What did the lungs say to the cigar?

"You take my breath away..."

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."