Worst Jokes Ever
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
What do you call a skinny black dick? A Tootsie Roll.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Want to hear a racist joke?
Donald Trump.
What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, "Just because you killed the butterfly, you don't get butter for a week."
They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, "Nice try."
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."
- One of the thousands of missing children.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.