Worst Jokes Ever
How did two retarded people get ran over in one second?
They're my friends.
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
Q. What do you call a Mexican Jedi?
A. a PadaJuan.
When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
What turns red, blue then white? The last person that I'd strangle.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.