When your friends [are] talking about sports:
Jake says, "It was 17.56M people watching [the] basketball championship."🦁
Sam says, "It was 113M people watching the Super Bowl." 😯🐱
Avion says, "It was up from 1.12 billion people watching [the] World Cup." 😶🙀
I am so depressed! I get jealous when my phone dies.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.
Your mom's so fat, she fell.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
Toes for hoes.
U.S.A: No Queen?
England: No towers?
Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.
Passengers: *Clap*
Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.
Flight Attendant: And what is that?
Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*
Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---
Hi, I'm cool.
What does an emo kid say to his best friend?
"Let's hang out."
"hipede hop hiped d the twin towers will be gone tomoreo at 8:43"
Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
