Wrong

Wrong jokes

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].

Me: So tell me about it then.

My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.

Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.

Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.

My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.

Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.

My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.

Me: My bad again. Do continue.

My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.

Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?

My cousin: By the game.

Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

  • 6

    • Dad: Are you gay?

    Kid: Yes.

    10 days later.

    Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

    Dad: I thought you were gay?

    Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

    Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

    Your forehead is so big that NASA went to discover Mars, but then they said, "Oops, wrong planet. Mars is smaller than this, we will discover it later."

    Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

    Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

  • 2

    • So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.

    If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

    Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

    Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

    Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

    During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.

    He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*

    Why is there no phone in China?

    Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.

  • 0

    • A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

    The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

    The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

    The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

    So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

    The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

    The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

    "Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.