We jokes

"Yo mama so bad we gotta switch to yo papa."

Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

My therapist told me, "Time to heal all wounds," so I shot him in the nuts.

Now we wait...

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

We shouldn't call gay guys "fucking cunts" because they aren't fucking cunts, they're fucking assholes.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.