Voice Assistant jokes

This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.

Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?

He had an affair with Alexa.

Why can’t orphans have Google Homes?

Because they don’t have a home.

I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

Man: Hey Siri!

Siri: Yes?

Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

Siri: Uh...

*phone literally explodes*

Bob: Siri, call 666!

*dialing noises*

Bob: Hello?

Bob's dad: Hi!

Who is Stephen Hawking's wife?

The American Siri.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

"What do we want?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

"When do we want them?"

"HEARING AIDS!"

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.