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I was at a friend's place yesterday, and... There was a mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later, they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep, so I looked in the brothers' room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside, you guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you," I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

Serves him right.

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    • I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"

    I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."

    She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.

    Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.

    Friend: What kind?

    Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.

    Friend: That's not funny..

    Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.

    Friend: I'm calling your mom.

    Me: She knows.

    Friend: What's she doing to help, then?

    Me: She's supposed to help?

    Friend: Have you told your dad?

    Me: I will when he comes back.

    Friend: Where is he?

    Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.

    Friend: ....

    Me: What?

    Friend: Why?

    Me: Why what?

    Friend: Why would you joke like that?

    Me: I was joking..

    Friend: I know.

    Me: Oh. I didn't know.

    Friend:...

    Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...

    My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

    "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

    So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"

    My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

    "So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

    Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

    She said, "Who's there?"

    I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

    She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

    An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

    What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

    A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

    One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

    Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

    Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

    All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

    The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

    They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

    But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

    My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

    When you end up pregnant...

    Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

    Bully: "Nobody loves you."

    Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

    An old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her off the edge without knowing it was her cash she wanted to check, so I died to help her!

    So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.