The jokes
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
The thing my mom birthed.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
The only joke my dad ever made was me.
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
Why was the orphan so bad at basketball? He had no encouragement.
Yo mom is so fat when she went to sit on the couch it said, "To be continued."
The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said "concentration camp."
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly, but that is the invention of bobsled peoples.
And then Mark came in.
What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?
A prostitute can wash its crack and sell it again.
Q: What is a clown’s favorite fish?
A: The clownfish.