The jokes
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.
Ukraine vs. Russia is CS:GO live the movie!
What’s long and black?
The line at the unemployment office.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to go to KFC.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.
What happened when the emo went through the self-checkout?
Two beeps went off.
9/11, also known as the day football stopped.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call a father.
Kid. What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher. What?
Kid. Fruity pebbles with water.
Teacher. Why water?
Kid. Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Shut the f*ck up.
Why can’t the emo play in trees? They’ll leave ‘em hanging.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry xdddd.
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."