The jokes

What's the difference between an apple and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Femboys are looking kinda tasty for a date, especially the dick and their balls.

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"

Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

What's between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

What do orphans and police not have in common?

The police can actually go home.

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

Why aren’t orphan jokes funny?

The punchline isn’t apparent.

Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.

Turn the number 543354 upside down to see "sheesh."

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:

cabbage _50

Carrots-50

Cooking fat -100

Onions_20

Tomato-20

salt-10

Total=250

She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.

McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.

His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”