The jokes

I was at a funeral. I kissed a hot girl I did not know. She was the one that died.

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Your mum is so fat that she took a spoon to the supercool.

What do they call Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson's son? The Pebble.

I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.

But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"

How did the cookie 🍪 feel when he was dunked in milk?

Batter.

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around."

What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?

There's no Jack!

What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?

Icy dead people.

I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.

Yo mama is so fat, when she's walking down the street, there are cracks all over the sidewalk.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.

The ball kept getting bigger and bigger...

And then it hit me.

Bro has to get a fringe to cover up the big, increasing hairline.

Your dad died of hunger on the journey to find the milk.

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

I was sitting in traffic the other day.

Probably why I got run over.

A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel.

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?

To the I.C.U.