The jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
The short kid came earlier than I thought. Guess he came with such short notice.
Putting WiFi in the morgue to enable live streaming.
How do you get Carrie Underwood to dehydrate fast?
Tell her that all the water supplies contain the COVID vaccine.
Two guys watching a war movie at a bar are talking. One says to the other, "The Nazis starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war."
The other says, "My dad died in a camp as well... he broke his neck."
First guy says, "How did he break his neck?"
Second guy says, "He fell out of the guard tower."
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.
Hear the one about the deaf kid?
He didn't.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
Basically, the Twin Towers are Angry Birds but in real life.
Who did the cow want to hang with?
The udders.
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?
Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.
There was this emo kid giving a high five to a tree... but the tree left them hanging :)
What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
What did the south tower say to the baby north tower?
"Here comes the airplane!"
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.