The jokes
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
What did the parents name their retarded baby? Dimitri
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
When the North Tower saw the South Tower collapse, he would say, "I'm still standing."
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, and I got plane'd.
What do you call field day in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They wanted pepperoni, but got plane instead.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, she sinks!
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
What’s the difference between a pig and Maddie McCann?
Least a pig had an apple in its mouth when it was spit roasted.
Why can’t USA and England play chess?
The USA has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.