The jokes
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
So this is how I got divorced.
On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum, and my 2 kids, 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in, she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?
A: All the rice is gone.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
Your hairline goes as far back as the cavemen. Your forehead is also as deep as the cave.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
How many emos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they just sit and cry in the dark.
Q. Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
A. Because he got hit by a truck.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
Why does Mao Zedong like the east coast?
Because there is a red Sun in the sky.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
We all know 6 is scared of 7 because 789, but why did 10 have PTSD?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11...
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin!"
Why do the orphans eat their cereal with water?
Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Did you know that the letter "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
(DOORS)
What door is the first door that opens for you?
The elevator to go to the game.
Q: What is the difference between Americans and Africans? A: Some of them have food, and some of them don't have food.