The jokes
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
What part of the train goes "toot toot"?
The caboose.
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
How do you make a baby cry?
You punch it in the face.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?
What is the useless skin around the vagina called?
The woman.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
What did the gay guy say to his boyfriend before leaving to go on vacation?
"Do you need help packing your shit?"
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.