The jokes
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
He couldn't take the stairway to heaven; he had to take the lift.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
What's black and at the top of a staircase?
Not Stephen Hawking.
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: The person who makes it doesn't say what it is.
The person who receives it doesn't know what it is.
The person who knows what it is doesn't want it.
What am I?
A: A baby.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Q: Why did frosty pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.