The jokes
1950: In the future there will be flying cars.
2018: Pewdiepie shuts down Shane Dawson.
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."
And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
Yo mama is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not Susie.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
What does the cell ride to work?
A vesicle.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.