The jokes
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What’s the difference between a feminist and a rock?
A rock can break a glass ceiling.
Why did the feminist kill herself?
Because she was TRIGGERED.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
Why did Steven Hawking not go to heaven after he died?
He could not get up the stairs?
Yo mama so fat, when Santa Claus went down the chimney, he said, "Ho, ho, hooooly sh*t!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
Someone is adding dirt to my garden!
The plot thickens!
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker