The jokes
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation.
When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
Why did the Mushroom get invited to so many parties?
He was a fungi!
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She's retarded.
You walk into an area that has big asses on the wall, and they feel lifelike, so you put your dick into them, and you go on the opposite side of the wall, and women are naked through the wall.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Your dad's penis was chopped off at the age of 2.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
Skeletons love to be in band. They love the trombone!
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!