The jokes
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged.
I walked in a sushi bar, and the sushi chef looked very o-fish-all!
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What do you call a bad pun?
The pun is not punny!
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
Three Indians get captured by an enemy leader, and the leader says, "Go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind."
The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says, "Shove them up your butt and don't make a sound, or I will kill you." He gets to two and yells. The leader kills him. He goes up to heaven.
The second guy comes back and has grapes. He gets to 9 and laughs. The leader kills him. He goes to heaven.
The first guy asks the second guy why he laughed, saying he had it in the bag. The second guy said he saw the third guy carrying pineapples.
Student: What's the best thing in the world?
Teacher: I don't know what.
Student: Hard rock cock.
The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Julius Caesar is Roman? More like romaine (salad), and to make the best salad, you stab it 23 times until the Caesar salad, romaine salad, is fresh.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
Q: How can you tell the sun is a boy?
A: It rises every morning.
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
Why did the sun go to church?
Because it needs Jesus.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.