The jokes
What's the difference between a dick and a cannon?
Your dick shots longer.
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
Where do dogs go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Why did the turkey suck my bacon? Because it wanted cum in its mouth.
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
He fingered a minor.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
Why did the steward not receive his passport? Because his face was not valid!
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: To show he wasn't a chicken.
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile?
"Get in the Batmobile!"
Buh dum tish.