The jokes

Add joke

Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.

The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"

  • 1

    • Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.

    In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.

    The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.

    The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

    When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

    Then the speed bump starts screaming.

  • 7

    • The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.

    A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?

    Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.

  • 0

    • One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

  • 3

    • Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.

  • 1

    • Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.