The jokes

Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Why did the turtle cross the road?

We don't know yet.

OOF dislike plz I have no life XD.

All of these jokes are DED sub to pewdipie.

All of the jokes are just abuse.

When the school shooter finally leaves your classroom, but then the autistic kid next to you's sketchers light up.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

What's the difference between the microphone and Bambi?

One is a Welsh idea, the other's a well shy deer.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?

Because there was no chemistry...

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.

Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?

A: There's 20 of them.