The jokes

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?

Black people don't shoot up schools.

Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

Russian, American, and Polish stood by the lake shore.

Russian ran ahead to dive and yelled "vodka" and the lake changed into vodka.

Polish ran ahead to dive and yelled "beer" and the lake changed into beer.

American ran to dive, slipped, and said, "oh shit."

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH!!!

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

what do you call a lazy gay?

someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colors...

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.