The jokes

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? The Microsoft shutdown sound.

The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"

The sun is already bright, stupid!

If two people who have the clap sleep together, did they make an applause?

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic and the other is a priest.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?

Because it was a good source of mussel mass!

What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...

So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?

You are in the airway, how funny!

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

What did the house wear to the party? A dress.

Why was the new gamer mad when they were playing Overwatch?

Because gamer girl WAS ALREADY TRACER.

When do eggs hatch?

At the CRACK of dawn!