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Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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    • So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

    One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

    There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

    Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

    Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

    Guy: Robin

    Bank owner: Your last name?

    Guy: Debank

    Bank owner: Robin Debank?

    Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

    Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

    Actor: Really? What do I do?

    Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)

    Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

    A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

    Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

    Papyrus: Because he looked like me.

    Sans: Sure.

    Why didn't the bitch ass skeleton fly?

    'Cause me mum flew all the way and Trevor is a boofahead.

    And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

    Roses are red, violets are blue, You think violets are blue, what the hell is wrong with you?

    I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

    Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

    Have you heard about the movie about constipation?

    Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.

    Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

    What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

    You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

    But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!