The jokes
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
What did the bus say to the mail?
Dog.
What did one arm say to the other? "What is your address?"
Why are basements so scary? Cuz of the mail.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
What did the cow say to the other?
"Cheese!"
ble get get get gettttt pull the glock pew pew pew pew pew thats the silencer BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
Do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back?
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house!
Knock knock?
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
The idiot chicken who just crossed the road!!!
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fourth of April.
Fourth of April who?
May the fourth be with you!
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued.
Your flesh was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.